Of Memories and Funerals
by TumblingTroublesomeTumbleweeds
Summary: Captain-Commander Yamamoto dies but before he dies he appoints a new Captain-Commander. Meanwhile, his daughter is dealing with the devastation dealt to her with this latest loss. Fortunately her old friend is there to comfort her. OC
1. Chapter 1: The Loss

"Captain Hikamara" a Shinigami bowed at Kushira Hikamara's feet "the Captain-Commander wishes to see you" Kushira blinked "is everything alright?" sadness crossed his features "no Captain" he said "the Captain-Commander…he is…dying"

Kushira nearly fell over in shock. The words didn't even register "dying?" she asked numbly "why?" the Shinigami looked confused "I-I am not sure Captain" he said "but he wishes for you to see him" Kushira nodded, unaware of her actions as she was still in shock.

She followed the Shinigami back to the 1st division barracks and into Captain-Commander Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto's room. She let out a cry of despair as she saw him lying on his bed. Captain Retsu Unohana was there as well.

Kushira rushed to his side, nearly tripping over her feet "father…no" she whispered taking his hand "daughter" he squeezed it and for the first time since she had known him, since he had taken her in, he looked like a frail old man.

"Father please don't die" tears fell in torrents down her cheeks as she held his hand tightly "daughter…it is inevitable" he said "I have lived a long life" "no!" she cried vehemently shaking her head violently "you have to live longer! I can't lose anyone else I love!" he raised his hand and brushed a tear off her face.

"Kushira listen" the familiar commanding tone returning to his voice briefly "the reason I called you here is not so you can grieve for me, no. It is to tell you that it is you I want to succeed me as Captain-Commander" Kushira inhaled sharply "please father, I can't…there is someone better suited for the job than I am" she blinked "I'm not good with responsibility and I know the Gotei 13 will fall if I am in command…I'm not strong enough"

Yamamoto held her gaze and sighed "I figured you would recoil at the suggestion…who do you suggest then, that I appoint?" Kushira took a deep breath "Captain Jushiro Ukitake…he is strong, capable and will run the Gotei 13 with the same fairness and gentleness he runs his division with" Yamamoto considered this "if that is what you wish" he said squeezing his daughter's hand.

Kushira swallowed and nodded "it is…but there's no need for a new Captain-Commander because you're not going to die" he looked at her with clear eyes and she knew in that moment, his death was unavoidable. She cried out softly in despair,

"Sasakibe" Yamamoto commanded and his lieutenant Chojiro Sasakibe stepped forward "yes Captain-Commander?" Yamamoto was seized with a coughing fit and Kushira tightened her grip on his hand fearfully "I…I want you to announce the new Captain-Commander at my funeral" he wheezed. Kushira let out a strangled sob "there is no time…to tell young Jushiro beforehand" he said with a sigh.

"Please hang in there father" Kushira cried looking up at Retsu Unohana "Retsu can't you do anything?" she cried. Retsu's blue eyes softened with sadness "I tried everything I can…there is nothing more I can do" "no" Kushira breathed out "there has to be something! Anything!" Retsu shook her head "I am very sorry Kushira-san"

The redhead's body shook with sobs "no, no more…I can't lose anyone else I love…please…don't die…you were the first good thing I remember. When you found me in that clearing and took me in as your own…I was so grateful and so happy…p-p-please…please don't leave me!"

Yamamoto coughed once "daughter…I have always been proud of you…even then I knew you would be capable of many things which is why I took you in. I knew you would need guidance and encouragement to reach your potential…I still think you can do greater things than you have already achieved" Kushira let out a sob as he continued "my one regret is that I won't be around to see you achieve your true potential…" his body was wracked with coughs "daughter…I have always loved you as though you were my own flesh and blood and no matter what happens in your future I will always be proud of you"

"Father…thank…you" she whispered brokenly "I love you too father…I love you so much" he closed his eyes and gave one last contented sigh. Kushira panicked and felt for a pulse but there was none. Grief overcame her and she let out a long scream filled with anguish and loss. Retsu wrapped an arm around the redhead before she passed out.


	2. Chapter 2: The Funeral

"The Captain-Commander…is dead." Chojiro Sasakibe had called an emergency, mandatory meeting of all members of the Gotei 13. A gasp arose from the crowd at his announcement and there were several wails of grief scattered among the whisperings.

"His funeral will be held at dawn" Chojiro backed away and entered the barracks again. Kushira had woken up and was sitting on a zabuton with a blanket around her shoulders and a cup of tea in her hands "it will be a traditional funeral" she said emotionlessly "he wouldn't want it any other way" Chojiro nodded and set about preparations.

The day of the funeral dawned dark and dreary as all members of the Gotei 13 converged on the burial ground. Kushira had dressed in a dark silk kimono. As the only relative of his she was the host. Her normally dark skin had an unhealthy pallor to it and she looked as though she hadn't slept.

Captain Jushiro Ukitake hurried over to her "Shira-chan…I'm so sorry for your loss" he pulled his best friend into a tight embrace. She held onto him and fought back tears. His build was like his voice; strong and stern, yet delicate and warm and it comforted her. "It's not fair" she whispered into his shoulder, a tear squeezing its way out of her eye "how many more people am I going to lose?" Jushiro couldn't answer that question. She had lost more people in her years in Soul Society than most Shinigami did in their whole lives.

The service was beginning, and halfway through the funeral, tears began slipping past Kushira's defenses. When they lowered the body into the ground, a light drizzle of rain began and she couldn't hold it in anymore.

She refused to cry in front of everyone so she excused herself and with a hand held to her mouth in an attempt to keep the tears at bay long enough to escape the crowd she left. Once she was far enough away she burst into a sprint as the tears she had fought so hard against finally triumphed.

Kushira ran until she found the shelter of a weeping willow _fitting _she thought bitterly as she fell to her knees, too exhausted to run anymore. A gentle pair of arms encircled her and she didn't even bother to look at the person as she blindly allowed the arms to pull her against a familiar form.

She breathed in the familiar and comforting scent of soap and honey tea…of her best friend Jushiro Ukitake. Neither one said anything as the redhead continued to cry softly against him "why is it so unfair?" she whimpered at last.

Jushiro ran his hand through the damp red strands that had fallen out of her bun "I don't know" he whispered "but it won't always be this way" "won't it?" she asked bitterly "from the first time I got to Soul Society, I lost my sister and then it was a series of losses and now…" she hiccupped as he pulled her closer "now I lost the first person I ever cared about in Soul Society…the man who took me in and loved me when I was sure I was lost forever…my father"

He gently pulled the pins out of her hair allowing the tangled and damp mass to fall in a blaze of red "it's not fair that is true" he whispered "but if you could keep everyone you loved forever then how would you be able to continue to love?" she sniffled "I'd find a way"

Jushiro couldn't help but laugh at her childlike and petulant answer; it was so simple and sincere it made him think of a stubborn little girl whose world was still butterflies and wishes. It made him sad to think that that little girl had had that world torn away from her. It was now that he could see that little girl in her and he wished he could take the pain and loss from her.

Kushira held onto him until she couldn't cry anymore. She wiped her nose and fixed him with puffy and bloodshot green eyes "I can't go back" she whispered hoarsely "I'm a mess" her hand went up to her free hair and she looked down at her mud-stained silk kimono. Jushiro gently wiped a smudge of dirt off her cheek "I think they'll understand" he said helping her up.

"I don't think I can face my division after either" she despaired; looking nervous at the thought "you can stay with me" he offered "no one would know you were there and you could have time to collect yourself"

Kushira blinked in surprise "are you sure? I was going to see if I could hide-out in the fifth division with Momo" Jushiro studied her "they're likely to expect that you're with Hinamori-san but it's your choice" she blinked "you're right…thank you so much" he smiled softly "don't worry about it" he said as he led her to the 13th division.


	3. Chapter 3: Captain Commander?

The pair made it back to the empty 13th division as everyone was still at the funeral. Jushiro directed Kushira to the bathroom where he laid out clothes for her "take your time" he said warmly shutting the door.

Kushira turned to the mirror and flushed. She was a disaster! Her eyes were puffy and red and her hair was tangled and matted. Overall she looked like she had been attacked by a Hollow and lost. She sighed as she turned on the water. Shedding her muddy silk kimono with a rueful glance she stepped into the tiled tub.

_If the Captain-Commander found out…_she thought to herself before jolting to the realization that the new Captain-Commander had followed her undoubtedly before the announcement was made. She hurriedly dried off and slipped on the clothes which were too big for her.

"Shiro-kun?" she asked opening the door "are you alright Shira-chan?" he asked looking up from his desk. She nodded and padded over to him "umm Shiro-kun…before he…" she choked on the word. Jushiro nodded quickly "he named the new Captain-Commander...Sasakibe-san was going to announce it at the funeral but the new Captain-Commander left before the announcement was made"

Jushiro looked at her confused "the new Captain-Commander left? But…" he blinked "are you the new Captain-Commander?" he asked. Kushira shook her head "no…I'm not" "then who…?" Kushira blinked "you Shiro-kun…he chose you to be the new Captain-Commander"

Jushiro's green eyes flew open "me?" he asked in shock "he…chose me as the new Captain-Commander?" Kushira nodded "go talk to Sasakibe-san" she urged and he blinked still trying to process her words "I'll stay here" Jushiro stood "will you be okay Shira-chan?" he asked.

The redhead nodded "I'll be fine…go talk to Sasakibe-san" "if anyone comes…" "like Kiyone and Sentaro?" she smiled although it lacked her usual warmth "don't worry Shiro-kun" he nodded and gestured to the bed "you should try getting some sleep. I'll use an illusion kido so if they do show up, which they probably will; they'll see my room as empty and assume I'm at the 1st division barracks"

Kushira nodded and yawned "thank you Shiro-kun" she said as he turned to leave "thank you for everything" "get some rest…Shira-chan" he said with a gentle smile "I'll be back soon" he slid the door open and left.

Kushira rubbed her eyes feeling very sleepy. Which wasn't a good sign she knew, she was prone to depression. She shrugged it off and padded over to the bed pulling up her pants so she didn't step on them. She curled up and immediately drifted off to sleep.

She woke when Kiyone and Sentaro came pounding in making a ruckus as usual, but Jushiro's kido worked as they decided he was in the 1st division and left. She drifted back to sleep and barely blinked awake when Jushiro ran a hand down her hair "I miss you father" she murmured reaching up and taking his hand in hers.

Newly appointed Captain-Commander Jushiro Ukitake was unable to free himself from the redhead's grasp so he was left with no choice but to lie down next to her. It wasn't any different than when they'd fall asleep studying for their exams together he told himself. They'd known each other long enough that this wasn't unusual.

The only difference this time was that the dynamics had somehow changed…at least for Jushiro. He wasn't sure he only cared about her as a friend anymore and as he watched the redhead sleeping, tears leaking from her closed eyelids a wave of possessiveness coursed through him. Again, this was nothing new. He had always been protective of her and it was only natural that when she was in such a vulnerable state he would become overprotective.

But as Jushiro looked at their linked hands he knew this was more than friendship. Without warning she pressed against him and pulled his arm around her. He blinked in surprise but his hand was firmly clamped between hers so he reconciled himself to the fact that his heart wasn't going to stop pounding and he had to deal with it because she didn't seem to be letting go anytime soon.

Jushiro sighed in resignation and made himself more comfortable, breathing in the scent of strawberries and vanilla and feeling the soft red strands brushing his face gently "everything will turn out alright Shira-chan…don't worry" he whispered in her ear and she squeezed his hand "I know…" she murmured pressing closer to him "I know"


	4. Chapter 4: Captains

The redhead blinked awake her eyes feeling like they had been glued shut "how are you Shira-chan?" she rubbed the gummy out of her eyes and glanced at the door. Jushiro was already awake. She nodded and blinked, eyes still feeling gummed shut.

She rubbed them furiously and he laughed as he pulled her hands away "you're going to rub them raw" he said holding her wrists "go take a shower…that will help" she smiled "thank you Shiro-kun"

Jushiro watched as she rubbed her eyes. She looked like a child waking up from a nap. Green eyes still sleepy, red hair tangled. She nearly walked into the doorframe and he hurried to help her "careful there" he laughed.

"Don't you have Captain-Commander things to do?" she asked him rubbing her eyes again. He smiled "they can wait. I gave the Gotei 13 a day off to honor Genryusai-sensei" Kushira whimpered "I still can't believe he's gone" a tear fell down her cheek "I feel strange…empty almost…he was my family" the next thing she knew she was bawling her eyes out again.

Jushiro simply wrapped his arm around her and let her cry "he wouldn't want you to grieve" he said into her hair "he would want you to become stronger" he squeezed her and she sniffled "I know…but how can I not? I have lost so many…"

Jushiro didn't know what to say or do to make her feel better. Strawberries and vanilla enveloped him as she buried her head in the crook of his neck. He gently stroked her hair, untangling the red strands with his fingers as he went.

Kushira sighed contentedly and closed her eyes, she wished they could stay like this forever but she knew it wasn't going to happen. She wasn't sure when but somewhere in the course of their very long friendship her feelings towards him had changed. Of course she would rather die than tell him. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she was afraid of being close to people and Jushiro was no exception.

They stayed like that for awhile, until Kushira pulled away and wiped her eyes "I should probably go take a shower" she said somewhat regretfully. Jushiro nodded and allowed the redhead to pass.

She stood under the hot spray and tried to sort out her feelings. Jushiro was right, her father wouldn't have wanted her to grieve but she couldn't help it. She sighed and leaned her forehead against the wall.

There was a knock on the door "Shira-chan? I took the liberty of going to your division and retrieving your shihakusho" Kushira blushed "you didn't have to" she said "but thank you" "don't worry about it…I'm going to open the door a little bit, just enough so I can put them on the counter okay?"

Kushira's heart sped up "alright" the door slid open and her friend set folded black robes on the counter "thank you Shiro-kun" she smiled "you're welcome" he hesitated like he had something else to say but slid the door shut without a word.

Kushira turned off the water and dried off. Wrapping the towel around her she wiped the mirror and studied herself. She looked tired. She dried off and wrapped her warm shihakusho around her. She tugged at the shortened hakama and studied herself again _this is as good as it's gonna get _she thought pulling her hair into a braid and sliding open the bathroom door.

Jushiro was sitting at his desk. He looked up when the redhead entered the room "feeling better?" he greeted her. Kushira nodded and sat down across from him "are you going to move to the 1st division?" she asked after a long period of silence.

Jushiro pushed aside the papers he was working on and fixed her with a green gaze "I will once I get my division all sorted out…I can't leave Kiyone or Sentaro in charge now, can I?" Kushira laughed "I suppose not" she pulled a sheet of paper towards her "what about Rukia?"

Jushiro cleared his throat "well" he said taking the paper back from her "Rukia…is leaving" he said and Kushira widened her eyes "leaving?" she asked shocked and Jushiro nodded "why?" he smiled at her "she and Renji are having a baby"

Kushira grinned happily "that's great!" she chirped and took the paper again. Jushiro's expression was a mix of mild annoyance, amusement and fondness. "So I have to find a temporary captain…or new lieutenant…unless I can appoint another captain but I don't know who else knows how to use bankai"

Kushira ran a hand through her hair "well…Ichigo Kurosaki can" she said hesitantly. Jushiro looked thoughtful "Kurosaki?" he mused shuffling the papers and yet again retrieving the one Kushira was holding "possibly" he wrote it down "I'll have to ask the Captain-Commander about that though"

She didn't know whether to grin or cry "so what do you say? Captain-Commander?" she grinned at his surprised expression "would Ichigo make a good captain?" Jushiro glanced at the stack of papers "I believe he would"


	5. Chapter 5: Memories

Jushiro was getting the final paperwork filled in order to promote Ichigo Kurosaki as the new captain of the 13th division. He selected Shunsui Kyoraku, Kenpachi Zaraki and Kushira Hikamara as the witnesses to the test.

Ichigo passed with flying colors and was immediately appointed as the new captain. Kushira smiled at him "congratulations Ichigo" she murmured with a smile. He put his hand on her shoulder "I am sorry for your loss Kushira" he said hugging her briefly.

The redhead smiled and hugged back "how many times have I heard that phrase?" she said sadly. Jushiro watched the exchange and knew Ichigo was a good replacement.

Kushira walked towards Jushiro and he took the time to study her movements. She walked like a jungle cat, the swaying of her hips spoke of an easy elegant grace "are you in there, Shiro-kun?" she laughed and waved her hand in his face.

He smiled and grabbed her wrist gently "I'm here" he said holding on longer than necessary "will you help me move my things?" Kushira nodded and followed the white-haired captain to the 13th division.

It didn't take long for them to move his belongings from the 13th division to the 1st. Kushira set the last box down and studied the room a pang of sorrow in her chest "I learned to walk in here" she said sadly going over to a wall where she ran her fingers down scratch marks in the wood.

"He would measure me as I grew" she said resting her forehead against the wall. Jushiro stood next to her and looked at the wall where tick marks went up the wall. Kushira opened the closet and her eyes reflected sorrow as she flashed through her memories "I used to play hide-and-seek with Kikyo" she laughed "I remember he came in one day and I was hiding in here. I startled him when he opened the door"

Jushiro chuckled, imagining Yamamoto startled was not an easy feat. A tear tracked down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away "there are so many memories in this room…" she went to the window and ran her finger across the sill "he used to have a vase of flowers I picked for him here" another tear

Jushiro went over to her and took her hand pulling her away from the sill "one day you'll be able to remember these memories without the raw sadness you feel right now" she looked away and he tilted her chin up with his free hand "trust me" he said.

Bright green eyes met dark green eyes. The darker pair was filled with understanding and, was that love? Kushira's heart stopped and she tried to quell the panic filling her body. Her heart raced at this possible new development.

She had to admit, what drew her to Shinobu Eishima was his resemblance to her childhood friend but his personality was the polar opposite. Sosuke Aizen was an accident. Ever since she met Jushiro she had known there was something different about him.

Her heart fluttered like a caged bird trying to escape. She held tighter to his hand wondering…wondering about her feelings towards him and her reluctance to get close to anyone for fear of losing them.

Kushira studied his face, searchingly. His intense green eyes reading her facial expressions with ease "words aren't needed are they Shira-chan?" he whispered wrapping his free arm around her waist and pulling her against him.

She gasped in surprise and tensed "I can't…" she murmured trying to push away "can't what?" he asked gently his strong hand squeezing hers "can't love anyone" he released her hand and tilted her chin up "can't love or won't admit it?" he asked.

Her heart stopped, how had he read her so easily? Jushiro fixed her with an unblinking gaze rooting her to the spot "I think you're scared" he whispered leaning down "you don't want to get close to anyone because you're afraid" he was even closer and her heart was pounding so loud she knew he could hear it "you're afraid they'll hurt you or you'll lose them" she could feel his breath on her lips.

He was inches away from her lips "but you don't have to be afraid with me…I'll never do anything to hurt you…let me help you. I want to ease your pain, let me in, trust me" she inhaled sharply at his words and a tear slid down her cheek because she knew he was being completely honest.

"Let's make some new memories in this room" he whispered tilting her chin up more "starting with this" he claimed her lips. The moment their lips met, a jolt of electricity shot through her and she clung to his haori.

He broke the kiss and she was staring wide-eyed. He chuckled softly and brushed a chunk of hair behind her ear "have I told you how beautiful you are?" a blush darkened her mocha skin and he chuckled again "especially when you blush" he claimed her lips again.

_Epilogue_

Chojiro Sasakibe was walking past the Captain-Commander's room. The new Captain-Commander was moving in and he had left the door open. Chojiro went to shut it but his eyes widened at the sight of Genryusai's redhaired daughter and the new Captain-Commander locked together in a fierce kiss. Chojiro shook his head and softly closed the door to give them some privacy. Kushira needed something good in her life, especially right now. It looked like she had found it.


End file.
